by Mary VanClay Reviewed by the BabyCenter Medical Advisory Board
In this article What to expect at this age What you can do
What to expect at this ageMost 5 year olds approach the material world with basic instincts: greed and a simple brand of justice. They like pretty objects and interesting toys, and they want them for themselves. And a sensitive 5 year old may find herself struggling with the first feelings of shame when her friends tease her because she’s still using her old preschool backpack in kindergarten.
What you can doSet a good example. You’re the best role model for helping your child cope with our complicated material world. If you want to discourage her from developing an insatiable appetite for possessions, let her see you behaving with restraint and wisdom. Take her along to the shoe repair shop, and explain why it’s worth re heeling your favorite shoes instead of buying new Air Jordan CDP ones (you save money, and besides, your old shoes are so comfy). Don’t let mail order catalogs take up all your reading time, and comment that while you like her aunt’s new gadget filled SUV, your 6 year old station wagon still runs just fine. Enjoy window shopping together without buying anything to show that while it’s fun to look at store displays and gather ideas for gifts and other purchases, you don’t need to buy something every time you go to a store. From cereal boxes to Saturday morning cartoons to clothing emblazoned with store names and Disney characters, advertising is everywhere in our culture. But television probably wields the greatest influence on children, who watch toy commercials as avidly as they watch programs. Toy company executives know this, and they advertise relentlessly during children’s programs. Limit your child’s exposure to TV commercials, and she’ll be less likely to develop a lengthy wish list. Children who get everything they ask for don’t learn to handle disappointment, and they don’t learn to work or even just wait for things they desire. Do yourself and your child a favor by saying no to unending requests, even if that provokes tantrums in the toy store at first. Even 5 year olds can begin to learn about the value of possessions by paying for them themselves. Giving your child an allowance provides her with cash and you with the opportunity to teach her how to use it. Once your child learns to save her pennies and nickels, her cries of “Oh, I want that!” at the store can be met with, “That costs Jordan Retro 9 five dollars. When your child whines, “But I want a new American Girl Doll!” you can respond sympathetically, Air Jordan 16s “I understand that you want it,” and then explain why she doesn’t truly need it: “You already have one, and they’re too expensive to collect.” Or calmly point out, “Everyone has to make choices with their money. If we spend ours on this, we won’t have it for other things we need or want.” This teaches her that there are logical reasons behind purchasing decisions. It’s wise to avoid bringing adult feelings of failure or resentment into the conversation. When holidays and birthdays are coming up, and your child is focusing on getting lots of presents, give her some paper and ask her to draw pictures of the three things she most wants. Then tell her to put the pictures in order of importance to her. This helps teach prioritizing and goal setting. Borba also suggests telling your kindergartner, “Before your birthday arrives, lets clean out your closet so you’ve got room. We’ll give away some of your old toys.” If she helps you deliver a box of her toys to a charity, she’ll be learning about empathy and generosity. Teach your kindergartner to think hard about whether she really wants that new Beanie Baby by first making her wait for it. Have her draw a picture of the item she wants and post it on the fridge along with a timeline of days one or two weeks, say until the date that she can go out and buy it with you. She can check off the days every morning. Your child can learn that you prize objects not for how costly or trendy they are but for their inherent quality or sentimental value. “I like this doll because she’s sewn together so well. You can tell someone put a lot of work into making her,” you can point out. Sometimes even kindergartners crave possessions to fulfill an emotional need. If you notice that your child, who never cared about dolls, suddenly Air Jordan 9s wants a Princess Barbie, talk with her about why that toy is appealing. If the answer is that her two best friends both have one, you can have a simple conversation about the fact that it’s okay to like different toys than the rest of the crowd. Coleman advises exposing kindergartners to altruistic activities. “The real opposite of materialism is spirituality,” he says. “Try to do something with your child that’s focused on giving to others in a way that she can see.” Take her with you to bring dinner to a sick neighbor or to volunteer in a soup kitchen. It’s not easy in our hectic lives to give children the time and attention they crave, but that’s the best way to ward off the “gimmes.” “If Mom and Dad are always busy, then the kids will retreat to their toys and TV and Nintendo, which is all materialism,” says Coleman. “Kids have to have something, namely a family life, to replace that.” So try not to give your child things as a substitute for spending time with her. And make an effort to spend time together doing things that don’t cost anything go to the playground and the library, take nature walks, play hide and seek.
I keep my kids away from advertising as much as possible. That means ZERO TV because I don’t want them to see commercials (but they do sometimes get to watch videos). I don’t buy them brand name toys or clothes. When my son had a Thomas train that we’d found abandoned in our backyard, we just called it “the blue train” and didn’t brand him. Buying generic things mean my kids have one less thing to know about and therefore to beg me to buy. Also, start harsh and loosen up as time goes on. It’s harder to get them whatever they want and then work backwards when they are already used to having tons of brand new and brand name stuff.
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